Tig’s 18boy

the mind can only relate to world
if you have a body

so our body gives each mind – a way to connect to the world

the one body houses our minds

how can there not be conflict sometimes then?

sometimes i try to talk – but it doesn’t sound like me – i sound like someone else. or it ends up that i talk through someone else. they are in charge of the body at the time – so if i try to speak too – i end up sounding like them.

Loneliness screeches through my veins,
with the realization that I am a fragment of a person
with the emotions, needs, and desires of the whole
but without the autonomy
to be anything but a captive
lurking in the shadows,
background noise for the one that gets to live.
I have no voice
in anything that matters,
no say in even the most simple of things.
My rage, my tears, my confusion,
my happiness, my joy, my love,
fears, thoughts, dreams, terrors, passions,
the very things that make me human,
the things that make me who I am,
are experienced as flutters
of undefined emotion
and dismissed
as fluctuations of mood
as she, the host, wonders
if anti-depressants, anti-psychotics
that extra cup of coffee,
or simply an extra hour of sleep
might solve the problem
of her passing moments of minute awareness
of my soul.
That is the summary of my existence,
and you wonder why
I rage that I do not have a body of my own?
Normal people, those with only a single mind..
Even they still crave the ‘what if’ of unanswered desires,
midlife crisis, alternate life, sudden change of direction,
even though they are permitted the full taste of life,
how am I supposed to be anything but miserable
locked up here inside
with only perhaps the occasional moment
allowed out
so that talents of mine might be exploited
“for the benefit of the whole”.