Talk about feelings that come from your parts/people (meaning they’re probably from the past), and how those feelings influence the present. Or, how do you know where your feelings are coming from?

9 thoughts on “Feelings

  1. chariots

    Hmm…….. maybe I’ll be the only one(s) to write anything this month! Bummer. Anyway, I don’t like it when those around me assume that all my present feelings are mostly about/from the past. It makes me feel discounted NOW, in the present. Also, it lets the other person off the hook if they think they can think something like, “well, this outburst is only because she has ‘issues’, it’s not really because I was actually being a jerk – so, I don’t have to change anything about myself – it’s all her fault/problem.”

    So, I guess I sometimes feel like others can use my ‘issues’ against me this way, and then excuse their own behavior. Just maybe some of my outbursts ARE actually about NOW.

  2. JigsawAnalogy-ellis

    well, i’ve been really busy this week; hopefully i’ll get more of a chance to write next week.

    i *totally* agree with that, where people assume my feelings are all about the past. not, obviously, the feelings people *want* to inspire (like feeling happy or trusting). but any of the “negative” feelings being about the past and not the present… ARGH!

    and that’s true, whether it’s one of the adult parts or the younger parts. there are times when we are legitimately upset about the present. on the other hand, sometimes the *intensity* of what we feel has something to do with the past. and we’ve been working on paying attention to how that works.

    one thing that helps for us is to talk with more objective people about the thing that brought out the feelings. and a lot of the time, for us, people will say “oh, yeah, that *would* make someone mad.” and it’s handy to begin to get perspective on what is anger-from-being-triggered, and what is anger that really is primarily about present injustice.

  3. Spirit

    We do not believe all feelings from parts come from the past at all. Some do, obviously. Parts that are active in the present have feeling states about the present based on their interpretive filter. Their interpretive filter may have been derived in the past, but their feelings are very present and are related to the present situation. They are valid, no matter what they are. To us, it isn’t much about being right or wrong in a circumstance…that’s not too terribly productive for us. We try to assess whether or not our reaction is warranted in the present, what other options we might have and what positive actions we might take with the situation at hand. Kind of a 360 degree view IF WE HAVE TIME to get to that. We’re working on the take time to assess part, trying to delay our response so we have time to get a better view of things and how all parts feel about something. Sometimes that works, other times, we have an out there reaction, warranted or not that likely could have been handled better if we had tried to insert a little time to assess before we responded. Takes a lot of practice, a lot of not working before you get it to work. I have to say, if we get it to work and we’re getting better at it, it is a really neat sense of self-control to know that you can do that, you can stop and assess. You don’t have to take an action or make a reaction until you’re ready to and we keep an internal saying always “the best defense is seldom an offense”. Sometimes we have a little part in there we give a responsibility to like if things are getting really reactive in there, one of the mini-me’s is supposed to say “mergency meeting”. It’s pretty neat when it works. For those that like to assume a reaction is based on “issues” or “our problem”, that’s usually an indicator to us that no response is necessary at all…we step away because you are not going to reach that person with that mind set at that time for a reasonable discussion. We re-visit with that person later when they have a more open frame of mind and a bit of distance from the situation. We also figure anger is an energy and we need a lot of energy. We work hard to choose our battles and where we invest that energy.

    What’s up with everyone being so quiet these days?

  4. chariots

    Ya – not too many people writing. I did go into “A Mind’s Journey” forum and got myself all signed up there. Lots o people really write all kinds of everything there! Maybe lots of people already have their places to ‘let it out’. I know lots of people have their own blogs too – like Jigsaw. It’s ok, this is still a pretty new blog, and I’m really happy that I/we can write here. I guess this is one of our ‘places’ then. ;o) It’s nice to have a ‘place’.

  5. Kathryn

    Chariot, thank you for the link to here. I just read a lot of posts. I have been very lonely recently, and I’ve been trying to stay out of the hospital. Been several times to different hospitals who treat DID. How did you find me if you don’t mind me asking? I recently joined another group but I am not sure how much I will post there. It feels a little (a lot) intimidating. Sorry, I’m just very Eeyore today. I want to get better and I don’t know how. There has been so much self injury in the last week and we made a deal with T last night there would be no more self injury before tomorrow (therapy again). I want to get better SO BAD but there feels like too much to work through and I have no real family or friends off the computer.

    T talked about feelings a lot last night. She said the key to getting better is saying the words out loud and letting their power go from inside but we are having a hard time saying the bad words — the details and we get only so far and stop and then she has to pretty much guess everything that happened while we answer yes or no to her questions. We just can’t make ourselves say the details or even write them. Not the words of what happened. It makes so much chaos and dissociating and wanting to self harm.

    Feeling right now: Lonely. I can identify that feeling easy.


  6. chariots

    Hi Kathryn!
    I ‘found’ you through ‘A Mind’s Journey’. I was online and I clicked on something showing that you were online (you were the only other person who was) – and so I clicked on your name then to your profile and saw that you had a blog – so clicked there – and boom! There you were! ;o) I clicked my way to your blog and to you. Maybe it’s one of those “God things”. At any rate, I’m glad you came here!

    Welcome to our little NL group and corner of the world. It helps to have just a little corner in the least – even though we can’t really take anyone’s pain away. …. at least we can all be less alone in our pain.

    I think with therapy stuff…….. no rush! I think that all I need to know – will be known eventually, and when I’m ready for it. If you can’t say stuff now – you can’t say stuff. You know? In time when you’re ready – when I’m ready – we’ll be able to say stuff outloud. It’s ok if we can’t yet. Forcing it only causes me to be a bigger mess than I already am at times. ……. In time……. everything will happen in it’s time……

  7. JigsawAnalogy-ellis

    i agree about expressing “stuff.” for us… it comes slowly. it does come, just sllloooowwwwwlllly. so a part will say a little bit, and then talk about something totally different for a long while. and then a little more later.

    it’s hard to deal with loneliness. we get a lot of it, too. and we’ve even got some people in our offline life, who we can talk to or hang out with. but it’s still hard.

    we’ve been working on finding friends in real life, but that takes some time. and since part of what the younger ones want is friends their own ages… well, it’s a challenge. so loneliness is something we’re familiar with.

    tee hee. my captcha is “Mr nutritious”

  8. Kathryn

    Hey Chariots!!! I didn’t know how to respond to you via email, but you didn’t offend me. 🙂 Honestly. I was talking about a so-called friend I have who only offers to “pray” all the time…it’s just irritating, ya know? I promise. I was not talk about you. You have been very nice to me.

  9. chariots

    Hi Kathryn! Glad it’s ok. Thx!

    I definitely hear ya – when the only answer someone ever seems to give is to “go pray”… well, they might be right in some ways but…… ya well – it can be annoying to me too.

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