The title says it all. Talk about depression. How are you affected by depression?
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
The title says it all. Talk about depression. How are you affected by depression?
i counted it up yesterday, and realized i’ve been moderately to severely depressed for about half the months of my adult life. it comes and goes, but i’ve never gone longer than a year without it.
i try to feel some control, like there is something i could be doing, or not doing, that would keep it at bay. but looking back, it’s happened regardless of whether i was in therapy, regardless of whether i was in a relationship, regardless of whether i was on antidepressants, regardless of whether i had a job i loved or only tolerated, regardless of whether i was very busy or mostly not, regardless of whether i was sick or healthy….
what’s harder is that i finally got to go to an appointment with a psychiatrist, and while we were talking, i felt like i trusted his opinion enough to risk trying antidepressants again. they’ve never worked before, but i’m depressed enough to be willing to try anything. but he asked what had happened before with antidepressants, and when i described it, he basically said he didn’t think it was a good idea, that i was better off working in therapy, because he didn’t think meds would help. i have *never* encountered a psychiatrist who thought meds weren’t a good idea. kind of like our new gp, who is the first allopathic doctor who didn’t want to give me a ton of medications for the fibro.
if i weren’t desperate to feel better, i would be really happy that they are coming from that perspective. but i *am* desperate to feel better.
it was really discouraging, both realizing the extent of the depression, and not being able to feel like there is a medical “fix”. but then i remembered something i realized a couple of months ago, which is that the sudden, severe depression seems to come from being triggered into the past (well, duh). and i’ve only been working on that specific issue in therapy for a few months. so at least there’s something to try. i don’t know if it will work, but at least it feels like something i can *do*.