May 2011

The May meeting topics – discuss as you’d like:

1) Finding a therapist
2) Accepting myself(selves) as a multiple
3) Balancing needs of all the parts
4) Realistic expectations (of life, others, etc) – what are they??
5) Can DID people be successful parents or should they just forget about it?

4 thoughts on “May 2011

  1. JigsawAnalogy

    Thinking about parenting: I pretty much believe that being multiple (or having DID, for that matter) isn’t a problem in itself. I think that anyone who takes the time to look at what their issues are, and deal with them, can be a good parent. What’s more, I think that people who take the time to do that–and to put solutions in place–probably make better parents than people who assume they’re fine and don’t stop to think about things!

  2. vault2007

    Question: When is the right time to tell our kids about having DID? I have a little girl, age8, who notices, and a little boy, age4 who also knows, but thinks everybody’s got a mom like this. WHat could I say to my girl? How? (asking for advice)

  3. chariots

    hey vault – we aren’t really supposed to give advice here. But my very unprofessional opinion is that you talk with your therapist to determine when and how, based on your daughter’s age and her personality, and based on who you are. I would imagine it could be different for each family going through this. I don’t imagine there is a staunch right or wrong – but a “best”, for your situation. It must be time for something if you’re even asking the question.

    That’s a tough question for sure though!

    I want to have kids – and I guess I’m hoping I will be more stable at that point so I don’t have to worry about explaining to my kids. But who knows – maybe that’s pie in the sky thinking. The truth is that I kind of do expect to have to explain things at some point, if I ever have kids. I hope I do. I want to. And I think we can do it, with help and awareness, like Jigsaw said. My therapist seems to think we are more than capable, and would be a good mom.

    Given what I’ve seen with many people – I KNOW that even being DID, I could be a better mom than some people I’ve seen! I know this because even as I am, I’m more aware of my issues, and am working on them more than most “normal” people I know. I know my weaknesses and where I’ll need help.

    I also think I’d want my kids to be aware at some point – so they aren’t worried or wondering or confused. I’ve been around kids, being as I am, being shifted. And I’m amazed at their resiliency and ability to accept it – AND to still trust me over time! This is partly because I think I am very trustworthy in my life overall. And it seems my parts work well enough together to be trustworthy in the real world too. We have stable work and relationships and that means something, even though we are DID.

  4. JigsawAnalogy

    How we’ve handled it with my nieces and nephews is a little like I handled things before we knew I was a “we”. So they know that sometimes I’m in the “mood” to play like a kid, and sometimes I’m more of a grown up. They know that I don’t mind sharing some of my toys (and, since I’m responsible *and* I’ve had kid parts for longer than they’ve been alive, I’ve got a great toy collection!), but that I want to be asked first.

    I guess that the people I deal with on a regular basis are used to me, and we don’t make a big issue about me being multiple. It is known, but there isn’t a lot of conflict.

    It might help that we’ve gotten stable in terms of not freaking out, and there aren’t parts who aren’t getting their needs met, so things are calmer. Now that I think of it, learning to listen to each other internally and balance everyone’s needs is probably going to make a big difference when we have kids.

    We were talking about having kids during our last couples’ therapy session, and it was interesting to discover that pretty much everyone inside is in agreement about wanting them. Several years ago, there was a lot of resistance, but now the only fear is about physical health stuff, and even that doesn’t seem to be a big stumbling block.

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