Talk about how you might turn anger inward, or if you have anger toward your parts.
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
Talk about how you might turn anger inward, or if you have anger toward your parts.
“SHUT UP” is a common thought that I have toward parts. I have a hard time accepting that they are part of me, but I also have a hard time realizing that they are not ME and that things that might roll off of ME can be very hurtful to THEM.
Fear of abusing timid internal parts has become a major fear of mine.
I usually get mad at myself before I get mad at someone else. Though that seems to be changing! I can get mad at someone else much easier than I used to! Overall though, I can be pretty quick to berate myself first for things that go wrong.
Otherwise, with my ‘people’ – hmmm – not sure about anger at them. It’s more like a lack of feeling toward them – which might really be anger. I might be a little too indifferent toward them. If I really embrace them, I have to embrace what they mean. And honestly, I just can’t do that. So I am nice/cordial overall now – not mean/angry really. Just not too fuzzy wuzzy with them either I guess. They seem nice enough though…..
:/
usually thats about the first thing that happens when i get angry. like, i start to get angry and someone and then i want to start hurting myself like cutting or something. its really hard to keep from doing that but i try because i guess its selfish or something to do that or at least i know im not supposed to.
i guess it was always safer to hurt myself than to let the anger out any other way. because at least if i was hurting myself, i knew that i could decide when it was too much and make it stop, but if i showed anger then someone else would hurt me and usually they wouldnt stop as soon as i would stop if i were the one doing the hurting. so its safer for me to turn the anger inside.
we get angry… i mean different parts get angry at each other. lots of the time we do that. some parts get angry because of ones who mess things up, and the rest of us get mad at the ones who want to pretend everything is ok. cause i guess either you are messing things up or you are pretending things are ok… there are some parts who dont take sides in that, and mostly i think no one is mad at them. but there is a lot of anger inside.
Anger…I hardly recognize myself when I am angry. I am a firestorm of fury, impossible to quell. I try to tell myself to act differently but even that thought feeds the fire! Knowing this, I rarely express anger. I do not cry either. I wonder if these are opposite sides of the same coin.
I think that over the years my anger has turned into chronic melancholy…degrees of which vary depending on circumstances. I cannot even express anger to my therapist except on rare occassions and I NEVER,ever like to discuss the topic with her. Anger,to me, is a witch’s brew of emotions, left untended and boiling over. Let it out and who knows what the consequences might be! This is what scares me! I could poison everyone around me.
My true nature is one of joy and delight…anger was merely a way of protecting this core me. I still feel this way now. When my anger is justified and expressed loudly, tho without violence, I feel that people still focus on the anger and not the hurt which has caused the outburst. I think this is why I don’t trust it…it is not always successful in protecting me and sometimes causes me more pain. Consequently, when I am feeling a surge of anger coming on, I do turn it inward where it will not be misjudged. After going off alone and expressing this anger with loud shouting,I feel a great sense of relief and an immediate need for sleep. Yet, righteous anger is necessary to advance the causes of a just society and to preserve the sanctity of the individual. For this reason, I will, when it is absolutely necessary, express my angry feelings.