- Shame preventing healing
- Being better than my parent(s)
- Recognition
- When being DID doesn’t seem to be the biggest problem in life
- Restlessness, trying to meet all the needs felt inside
- Being overwhelmed causing self abuse, meltdowns, anger
New Landscape ~ DID/MPD Support Group
New York support group for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) / Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)
I’m coming up on 4 years since I’ve felt like things have “healed” for me, and being multiple really hasn’t been the biggest problem in my life–or even *a* problem in my life. I wouldn’t say that I balance things perfectly, so that each part gets as much time as they want, but I haven’t noticed problems or heard parts complaining about how things are (well, at least not things that are within our collective power to change).
I think that stranger than not having multiplicity be a problem is not having things like depression or major anxiety be a problem. The past four years have been longer than any stretch of my life I can remember where I haven’t had long stretches of major depression and anxiety. And the weird thing is that there have been more external stresses that so far outweigh things that used to send me into panic or depression, and they’ve just been… manageable.
The only down side is that I haven’t been as motivated to write, and I miss that. And I guess there’s a level where I start to doubt that things were bad, because if they were as bad as it felt, then how could I possibly be better now? But I can look back, and I can remember, sort of, how it felt when I wasn’t healed. And certainly people who knew me at the time remember that things were really hard. But the longer I go without that much pain, the harder it is to believe how much pain I was in.
I definitely identify with doubting things were ever that bad, when I’m doing better. More like, I forget that it was that bad. Hm, sounds like dissociation a little I guess! Forget the bad!? Well anyway – also feeling more like DID stuff isn’t the hardest stuff in my life. Regular living and it’s difficulties is no cake walk.